The Return

The aftermath of having hip surgery two weeks ago has been full on. It was challenging going through the physical pain and also going through the detoxification process to clear the general anaesthetic and pain killers. 

I had a moment on the first night at home where I was in so much pain that it reduced me to tears. The moment was too much. I was shaking and couldn't find peace in my body. Furthermore, due to the body clearing the toxins I was having hot and cold sweats. One minute I was boiling, the next I was shivering. It was a "character building" evening. 

Interestingly, as I went into these stages of struggle and passed through them, something new started to take its place. Each day, and every moment I heal, I feel more robust and resilient. I feel proud of the fact I put myself first and went into a space that I knew was going to be tough. I feel humbled to have faced and conquered a large array of my fears. 

Progressing through the stages of healing, about a week post surgery, I started to feel "normal" again. The fog of all the chemicals had left my body and I was able to think clearly. Then, strangely, a new part of the process had begun. The mental, emotional side of things had cranked up. I guess being so vulnerable and seemingly helpless had taken its toll on who I define myself to be.  

In this process, I have been unable to shower myself. Get out of bed and in and out of chairs. I have been unable to dress myself and create meals for myself. I have been reliant on the support of others, mainly my amazing wife Tarryn and our family. One of the biggest and most frustrating things has been my inability to support my kids, especially my son Orlando. We have such a physical relationship, wresting and playing with toys. Furthermore, when he is angry or emotional I usually pick him up and hug him. Not being able to do that has been tough.

With the loss of my physical output, which helps me define who I am and how I express myself has left me very much in a reflective state. Once everything is stripped away from you at such a high level and you're given time to be on your own you can't but help reflect. From that, big questions start to come through. "Who am I?", "What is my purpose?", "What do I want to spend my time doing once this is all over?".

I have felt uncomfortable with this. Yet I am now realising, just like it was when I had the initial injury.  I am changing. We all can relate, change, it isn't always easy or fun. However, the more I can step into the flow of everything I am experiencing with acceptance and grace being my go to thoughts. The happier I am and the more bright and opportunistic this time is.

I have begun investing my thoughts not on what I can't do, but what I can do! I have shifted to being grateful for everything around me and started celebrating each and every progression I make, no matter how small. It all depends on how you look at life. Either you can choose to create a consciousness where everything is bad or you can flip it and believe that everything that you are experiencing is elevating your life to another level.

It sounds easy, but it's not. Being happy, seemingly does not come easy to us humans. Yet, just like everything we create, we too can create happiness. It starts in our mind. Once you start to look for the silver lining within the challenges you are going through, you will be amazed at how much of life is actually helping to shape you into becoming your best self.

Once your mind is looking for the positive and you've set it to that frequency for long enough to create that habit, naturally your mind becomes a positive place. You are now thinking positive thoughts. This then leads onto say positive things and expressing yourself in positive ways. Life is all about thoughts, words and actions. If you can get yourself to a place where you are positively expressing yourself on all three of those planes you are setting yourself up for your best possible life.  

I am so grateful for what this experience has taught me. I love who am I and I'm excited by what I am finding out about myself. I feel like I'm shedding some old skin and perceiving life from a new and rejuvenated place. I feel happy and more committed to creating a life that revolves around being of service to others. 

I hope by sharing my inner world and experiences that it might make a difference to someone else's life. I feel that we are all going through something and the more vulnerable and open we are, the more we can relate and bring each other up. The world can feel like a lonely place sometimes, but from talking to many people about their experiences it has shown me that we are all not too dissimilar. Love, connection, openness and a mind that is able to see the positive is key. 

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